First draft of opening scene

OK, this is really scary! This is the first draft of my opener for my first novel and it’s the first post of my new blog – that really is a whole lot of firsts.

It’s only short but I would like to know what you think. The book is set in Victorian England and centres around the impact of a financial disaster for a group of young adults. My intention is that it is a steampunk-inspired thriller but my characters may have other ideas!

Here it is:

James Pemberton opened the battered, old door and stepped inside. He prayed this would be his final visit.

Three hours later, he returned a different man. He was no longer youthful and dark haired. Now, he was middle-aged and grey. In just three hours he had aged over thirty years. His new beard and moustache irritated his face. His new glasses pinched his nose and made him feel sick. He considered that the money he would soon receive would more than compensate for his suffering.

As before, he walked to the bank and climbed the steps. Today, the deal he had spent so long negotiating would be agreed.

He heard a shout behind him and swung around, expecting to see police running towards him, but none were there.

James understood his actions were technically fraud. He reminded himself he had no choice and continued to climb.

Had he known the consequences of this final visit, he would have turned and walked away, but he did not.

He paused at the top of the steps then strode into the bank.

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